Patricia Ruppert
“I want other female survivors of adult abuse to know that they are not alone. I believe that knowing that I wasn’t alone in this type of abuse helped my healing process.”
Awake: Patty, thank you for being willing to share your story with our community. As we begin, what would you like to tell us about yourself?
Patricia Ruppert: I am a cradle Catholic who attended elementary school and high school at Catholic schools, and earned two master’s degrees from Catholic institutions. I am 64 years old and I live in Maryland, in the Archdiocese of Baltimore. I have been married to my husband, Rick, for 32 years. We are a blended family that includes six adult children and 16 grandchildren. I am currently a full-time teacher in a Catholic school, teaching religion to 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. I am also the part-time director of faith formation in my parish. I love crafting silk flower arrangements, plastic canvas work (a type of needlework), and crocheting. Each year I enter silk arrangements into the Maryland State Fair and have won ribbons for them.
Q. Wow! That sounds really fun. If we can turn to a more difficult topic, Patty, what would you like to share about your abuse?
A. My abuse history is complicated; it includes an 8th grade teacher and three priests. The first time I was abused I was a child. But the most traumatic experience was the recognition that the adult relationship I had with a priest was in essence abuse. This man had known me since I was 12 years old. He knew about my family issues, he knew each of my other abusers, and he knew about the abuse. He witnessed both of my marriages. He was my son’s godfather. He walked with me during my divorce. He knew everything about me. I was a vulnerable adult when our relationship turned sexual. He talked about leaving the priesthood to be with me. He said that what he was doing, what we were doing, was “rewriting the terrible script” of my life and making me whole again.
Q. Oh, Patty. I’m sorry that you were harmed in this way. It sounds tremendously painful. Can you say a little about why you’ve chosen to share your story with our community?
A. I have learned that being a female survivor of adult abuse is not as unusual as it seemed to me for many years. I have met other women who are survivors of adult abuse and our stories are frighteningly similar, including the shame, guilt, and the sense that the abuse was our fault. I want other female survivors of adult abuse to know that they are not alone. I believe that knowing that I wasn’t alone in this type of abuse helped my healing process.
Q. Right, that makes sense. Can you pinpoint what has been the most challenging part of your journey as a survivor?
A. I would say that the hardest part was the process of learning that the relationship that I held as sacred, the relationship with the priest I’d known for so long, was in fact grooming and abuse. It may not have started that way, but it certainly ended that way.
Q. Again, Patty, I’m sorry this happened to you. Could you name a person who has been particularly helpful in your healing and recovery process? What did they do that helped you?
A. I have to mention two: my husband and my current pastor, whom I have known for 38 years, since he was a seminarian. My husband knew the abusing priest, but didn’t doubt me, and has been an unwavering rock of support. He has encouraged me through the whole reporting process. When I was in counseling, he came with me. When I cooperated with the Maryland Attorney General’s investigation and report, he was with me. He has willingly listened to my stories repeatedly so that I can process what happened to me.
My pastor just recently heard my whole story during a dinner with me and my husband and was both shocked and sad. He asked a few clarifying questions, including if I had reported any of this to the Archdiocese. He helped me to understand that even though the abuse I experienced as an adult happened over 30 years ago, and that the priest had been dead for 20 years, my reporting could confirm another report if one had been made. After dinner and we had gone home, my pastor called to give me the cellphone number of the director of the child and youth protection (CYP) office for the Archdiocese. With my permission, he had called the director and let her know that I’d be reaching out. I did call that night and found out mine wasn’t the only accusation. My calling her did confirm someone else’s accusation.
My pastor continues to support me by checking in with me and praying for me. He also encouraged me to share with the parish that I am a survivor who has chosen to stay Catholic.
Q. It’s so good that you’ve had their support. What else has been useful in helping you heal?
A. The response of my diocese to my disclosure last year was really useful. I had several conversations with the director of CYP, who was respectful, responsive, and supportive. Finding Awake this year and connecting with other survivors through the organization has also been valuable to me.
Q. Yes, we’re glad you found Awake. How would you describe your relationship with God and the Catholic Church?
A. I have a deep Catholic-based spirituality, and the Eucharist is the center of that spirituality. I have chosen to remain Catholic because of that and the other sacraments of the Church. However, my relationship with the Church is not naive. I struggle over the realization that sexual abuse in the Church continues in some areas. My faith isn’t in the Church, or any member of the clergy. My faith lies in Jesus Christ.
Q. Thank you, Patty, for sharing your story with us and for helping our community understand what you experienced. We wish you continued healing. As we close, could you share one or two ideas that you would like Catholics to understand about sexual abuse in the Catholic Church?
A. Yes, I would like them to know that sexual abuse in the Catholic Church still exists. However, not every priest is an abuser. I’d also want everyone to remember that survivors are not limited to the ones they see on the TV news. Sometimes we are sitting in a pew next to you. When I chose to share my story with the parish, the number one response I received was, “Oh Patty, I had no idea.” My response was, “That’s exactly why I shared my story.”
—Interview by Erin O’Donnell, Editor, Awake Blog
Note from Awake: We extend heartfelt thanks to Patty for sharing her story. We also want to acknowledge that every survivor’s path is different. We honor the journeys of all who have experienced sexual abuse by Catholic leaders and are committed to bringing you their stories. In addition to Patty’s story, we encourage you to read our previous Survivor Stories here.
If you have experienced sexual abuse, you can receive support through the National Sexual Abuse Hotline, 800-656-4673, which operates 24 hours a day. If you seek support from the Catholic Church, you can find the contact information for your diocesan victim assistance coordinator here. Also, Awake is always open to listening to and learning from survivors. If you would like to connect with us, we invite you to email Survivor Care Coordinator Esther Harber at estherharber@awakecommunity.org.
