Victim? Survivor? Coper? Thriver? Which Name is Best After Abuse?
What’s the “right” term to use to identify people who have experienced sexual abuse in the Catholic Church?
Common identifiers include “victim,” “victim-survivor,” and “survivor,” though some people say such terms don’t work for them or reflect their journey in the aftermath of abuse. Some have proposed alternatives, such as “coper” and “thriver.”
We took this question to people in the Awake community who have lived experience of abuse, by asking about preferred terms in the Awake Survivor Survey conducted in December 2023 and January 2024. We asked respondents which terms feel right to them, which feel wrong, and why.
You may wonder: why do these terms matter? We believe that asking people which term they prefer is respectful and a simple first step in listening to those who have been abused. Our survey results—which include responses from 73 people who have experienced sexual abuse by a Catholic leader—show that no single term works for everyone. Respondents shared many powerful reasons why they prefer certain names over others.
Here's a look at what they told us. We invite you to consider these terms, if only to appreciate the ways language matters, especially when someone is carrying deep wounds. We know this post might leave some people anxious, concerned they will say the wrong thing to someone with lived experience of abuse. This is certainly not our intent. If you’re uncertain about the term you should use, simply ask the person, in a genuine, curious way, what they would prefer. You can read below about the choices Awake has made.
Also, if you have experienced abuse and prefer one term over others, consider sharing your thoughts in the comments below.
Term #1: Survivor
Of the 73 people who completed our 2024 survey, “survivor” was the term preferred by most, with 58% or 42 people choosing this as their favorite. It is frequently used to describe people who have endured other types of trauma or harm, such as cancer.
One respondent summed up why this term resonates for her: “The word ‘survivor’ provides us with a sense of accomplishment and power, since we did in fact survive a horrific experience. For most survivors, feeling good and feeling like we have choice and success are rare.”
“I've always seen survivor as a positive and courageous place to live from,” another survivor said. “But I also love the discussions about how others see themselves.”
Term #2: Victim-Survivor
Among our respondents, 18% preferred “victim-survivor,” which acknowledges both that the person was harmed and that they have endured. Another 43% said this name is maybe not their top preference, but it’s acceptable to them.
One person commented that she prefers victim/survivor with a slash instead of a dash. “To me, it recognizes that I was a victim and worked to become a survivor,” she said, “and don't want to slip backwards to be a victim anymore.”
Term #3: Victim
This term was the preferred option for just four people surveyed. Another respondent added that she doesn’t mind being referred to as a victim if it’s in the context of “awakening others that adults are or were victims of sexual and physical abuse by priests.”
But 48 respondents found this label objectionable. “I don't like the word victim,” one person explained. “That makes me sound helpless.” Another added that any term that incorporates the word victim, “brings me back to being without identity or power.”
Term #4: Thriver
Of our respondents, 11 people preferred to think of themselves as “thrivers,” a more recently adopted term. It places the emphasis on a person’s flourishing after abuse.
One person who uses this identifier offered this comment: “I no longer act from a place of victimhood, I survived,” he said. “I have moved from hurting to healing to helping. My aim is to thrive.”
Yet some people said they dislike the “thriver” label because it reminds them that they are not doing well. As one person explained, “This is still something that I'm struggling with and I am not thriving. I'm still working to survive what I've been put through.”
Term #5: Coper
This is another term that’s somewhat new, designed to reflect the experiences of people who feel like they are simply doing what they can to cope with each day. Of the people we surveyed, no one selected “coper” as their top choice, and 57 people said they do not like it.
One respondent found the term “degrading,” while another called it “patronizing.” Someone else admitted: “I've never heard the terms coper or thriver, so I don't really identify with them, but I can understand why someone would.”
No One Term Fits All
While some terms like “survivor” appear to be more common, the survey results make clear that people who have experienced abuse don’t necessarily agree on things, seeing themselves and their abuse in different ways. And one survivor shared that no one name applied to him all the time: “Some days I feel like one term,” he said, “and on other days, another.”
It also appears that even people who have lived through abuse sometimes struggle with this discussion about terms. One person told us, “I understand language is important to people, but I get weary of the range of terms, almost making me afraid to identify myself for fear that I’ll use the wrong word.”
Brand-New Options?
Some survey respondents suggested alternative ways to identify themselves and others abused by church leaders. For example, one respondent noted that in Poland victim-survivors are referred to as “hurt ones.”
Another respondent has both lived experience of abuse and works as an academic researcher on this topic. He shared that he has written about “the stages of victimhood,” describing how someone might begin by thinking of themself as a victim, but prefer different terms as they move through their healing. In his opinion, the term “teacher-supporter” should also be added to the mix. “This is one element of this issue that I really feel needs to be presented much more,” he said, “that victimhood must be worked through and never become a permanent state.”
One person also called for entirely new terms, suggesting options like “advancer” or “survivor strider.”
Many people also made a case for “person-first language,” describing someone not as a survivor or victim, but as “a person who has experienced harm in the Church.” The benefit of this approach? “It keeps the focus on us as Individuals and doesn’t create a label that can be stigmatizing or not feel comfortable to someone,” one person wrote.
Additionally, one respondent stressed that people who have endured abuse should be the ones who decide how they describe themselves.
What Awake Has Chosen
Based on the results of this survey, as well as many personal conversations with those in our community, Awake has chosen to use the term “survivor” as our primary descriptor when we’re speaking about those who have experienced sexual abuse by Catholic leaders. We also use person-first language when space allows, choosing “a person with lived experience of abuse” or “someone who has experienced sexual abuse by a Catholic leader.”
We also occasionally use “victim-survivor” to acknowledge that this is the term preferred by some. While a few people in our community do prefer the term “victim,” there are many who find it problematic or even offensive, so the only time we choose that word is in a statement like “this lay leader had many victims.” We also recognize the right of each person to choose the terms they use to describe themselves, so when we’re talking to or about a specific individual, we do our best to use the words they prefer.
—Sara Larson and Erin O’Donnell
